How not to wear a 59/50

We have a problem in this country. I think it began with the boy bands in the late 1990s and has been perpetuated by rappers and people like rappers. And also college baseball players.

The problem is this: Nobody knows how to wear their 59/50 hats.

A 59/50, right off the rack (hint: right off the rack is not the way to wear it.)

A 59/50, right off the rack (hint: "right off the rack" is not the way to wear it.)

The biggest problem is that people all too often think they can just pull the hat off the rack and throw it on their head.

Note how stupid this guy looks, even despite a handful of $20s and a jersey from his high school. His first problem is that the hat doesn’t fit him. It’s at least two sizes too big.

The hat should hug your head, not tight enough to leave a red mark on your forehead, but definitely not loose enough you can fit your ears inside it. With good wear, a properly fitted hat can be spun around atop your head, but will not fly off in a gust of wind.

His second sin is that he did not remove the stickers from the bill. Do you walk around school with the tags still stuck on your Roca Wear jeans? Same rules apply. You look like a moron.

Third problem: The hat is neither forward nor backward. It is just floating atop his head in no man’s land. Pick something. Be a man.

Fourth problem: He’s white. Black people can do whatever they want with their hats. They just can. But doing whatever you want with your hat does not make you black, or cool.

I found this interesting blog post on “The Wigger Fallacy.” I agree with his general point, that black culture is an outgrowth of being black and that a white person, therefore, cannot really experience black culture. But I disagree that a so-called wigger* is immune to whatever discrimination a similarly styled black person would encounter. In general, speaking poor English and having neck tattoos tend to make you undesirable as an employee (for example). That might be discrimination, but it isn’t racism.

*For our purposes, let’s define this term as a white person who adorns himself like T.I., or most any rapper other than Common or Kanye West.

Another common offender is the college baseball player.

Again, note how stupid this guy looks. College baseball players tend to share a few unifying traits:

  • A sense of entitlement born of their upper-middle class background.
  • An overinflated sense of their attractiveness, born of being constantly chased by women.
  • A predisposition toward ironic behavior, such as wearing a mustache, but only fraternal behavior, such as growing mustaches, but only as a team.

I suspect that these traits somehow have combined to produce a generation of college baseball players who wear their hats like idiots and make stupid faces in mug shots, although I can’t fully explain it.

For the most part, though, at least baseball players don’t wear custom-made hats.

If you’ve never seen a Major League team wearing the hat you’re about to put on, then neither should you.

Come on.

Being Russell Simmons doesn't automatically make you look cool in a hat.

This, people, is how it is done. Meet Kevin Youkilis, professional 59/50 wearer. Note the hat is facing directly forward and is settled onto his forehead, above the eyebrows and below the hairline. Note the slight bend in the bill. Note that it is pulled snugly around his head.


7 thoughts on “How not to wear a 59/50

  1. Are you kidding me what are 40 wearing a flat bill backwards is the in thing just like parachute pants and elevator shoes were in during your time

  2. How old are you? 80… Learn to use a bit of style and try new things you ignorant bastard! As long as you make it look good it don’t matter how you wear it. Wearing a hat forward or straight back just shows how much of a square you really are!

  3. I love to see someone discussing things that don’t matter with such passion. I couldn’t agree more, at least on the “strictly hat” portion of this thread. I had a buddy who used to say, “only two kinds of people wear their baseball cap backwards; catchers and !##holes”. Man, am I sick of seeing professional ball players wearing their caps as if their head was shaped like a mango or a pear. Keep it up!

  4. The flat hat look goes as far back in my Grandpa’s and Great Grandpas day on the farm. Back then you bought a hat and threw it on your head some curved them some didn’t. This really isn’t a new fashion to say the least but the hats are much nicer than they where back in the day. I say if you like it then rock it like a farmer. does’nt matter how old you are you could be 80 and still rocking the look.

  5. Много пересматривал данные инета, при этом к своему удивлению увидел интересный сайт. Вот он: Магнитотурботрон . Для моих близких вышеуказанный вебсайт оказался очень привлекательным. Пока!

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