We have a problem in this country. I think it began with the boy bands in the late 1990s and has been perpetuated by rappers and people like rappers. And also college baseball players.
The problem is this: Nobody knows how to wear their 59/50 hats.
The biggest problem is that people all too often think they can just pull the hat off the rack and throw it on their head.
Note how stupid this guy looks, even despite a handful of $20s and a jersey from his high school. His first problem is that the hat doesn’t fit him. It’s at least two sizes too big.
The hat should hug your head, not tight enough to leave a red mark on your forehead, but definitely not loose enough you can fit your ears inside it. With good wear, a properly fitted hat can be spun around atop your head, but will not fly off in a gust of wind.
His second sin is that he did not remove the stickers from the bill. Do you walk around school with the tags still stuck on your Roca Wear jeans? Same rules apply. You look like a moron.
Third problem: The hat is neither forward nor backward. It is just floating atop his head in no man’s land. Pick something. Be a man.
Fourth problem: He’s white. Black people can do whatever they want with their hats. They just can. But doing whatever you want with your hat does not make you black, or cool.
I found this interesting blog post on “The Wigger Fallacy.” I agree with his general point, that black culture is an outgrowth of being black and that a white person, therefore, cannot really experience black culture. But I disagree that a so-called wigger* is immune to whatever discrimination a similarly styled black person would encounter. In general, speaking poor English and having neck tattoos tend to make you undesirable as an employee (for example). That might be discrimination, but it isn’t racism.
*For our purposes, let’s define this term as a white person who adorns himself like T.I., or most any rapper other than Common or Kanye West.
Another common offender is the college baseball player.
Again, note how stupid this guy looks. College baseball players tend to share a few unifying traits:
- A sense of entitlement born of their upper-middle class background.
- An overinflated sense of their attractiveness, born of being constantly chased by women.
- A predisposition toward ironic behavior, such as wearing a mustache, but only fraternal behavior, such as growing mustaches, but only as a team.
I suspect that these traits somehow have combined to produce a generation of college baseball players who wear their hats like idiots and make stupid faces in mug shots, although I can’t fully explain it.
For the most part, though, at least baseball players don’t wear custom-made hats.
If you’ve never seen a Major League team wearing the hat you’re about to put on, then neither should you.
This, people, is how it is done. Meet Kevin Youkilis, professional 59/50 wearer. Note the hat is facing directly forward and is settled onto his forehead, above the eyebrows and below the hairline. Note the slight bend in the bill. Note that it is pulled snugly around his head.